we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
