currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
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