do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
