lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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