Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
