Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
