I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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