You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
