At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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