tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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