It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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