Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
