My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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