It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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