you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
