1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
