ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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