I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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