Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
