The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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