I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
