We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
