I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
