i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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