She said her name was "party"
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
