Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
