I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
