i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
