So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
