I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
