first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
