my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
