well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
