Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
