I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
