i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
