If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
PANTIES FOUND
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
