I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
