My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
