we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
