I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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