2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
