Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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