I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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