so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
