she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
