that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I AM VODKA MAN
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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