Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
