The maid of honor just puked.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
