I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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